One month passed, dad how r u there? Miss u.
Today also covid mco day 10. Stay home plan from 14 days extend another two weeks to 14th April 😭.
It’s quite boring, every whr also close, can’t go out.
Only can go out buy groceries and also food.
Cannot eat outside, and every shop also closed at 7pm.
Recently at home, we always baking, as nothing can do.
So far, we have bake a lot of foods
- 白糖糕
- 喜板
- 香兰燕菜
- 香蕉糕
- 馒头
- 黑斑牛油蛋糕
- 萝卜糕
- 豆花燕菜
- orange chiffon
- chocolate moist cake

I am back after few years ..so Long never write blog dy.

Well, I wish to write a blog about my dad.

Daddy, I miss you!

I lost my dad on 27 February 2020 :( 

I dint manage to c him 最后一面

His death is so sudden, thought he is recovering, but he suddenly got internal bleeding and passed away.

I can’t really forgive myself as I dint rush back to see him. 

Seriously I don’t knw his situation is so dangerous 😭

Can u imagine, he just admitted to hospital the night before and

On the next day he do scoping at morning and passed away at night 😭

I shall not going back sg so soon on early February or else I can acc him a while more.

For the past five months, I had been taking care of my dad all the while.

Sometime, I am quite pissed with him. It’s really not easy to take care a cancer patient.

He tend to be quite emo sometime.

Especially when he couldn’t sleep 😭, will scold us.

I wish to jot down what is happening on this few months.

Well, I have my rom on 30 August 2019 at Singapore.

Before this, since July 2019 I have quit my job as auditor, and I went back hometown and will be going back to Singapore with my parents to attend the rom.

On 27 August 2019, I bring my parents travel to sg, yeah this time got direct flight with scoot.

Oh ya, this time my dad enter Singapore as Malaysian. He is happy to back to his hometown.

When pass the custom, we are quite worry dad will be on hold by them. Luckily, he passed.

First few days, dad still can go out with us happily.

We still bring him to go sea aquarium as well.

However, he started feeling not well on that night, we spotted his faeces got blood 😭

We are shocked and then dad can’t really laying down properly, can’t walk properly, no energy

What happened to him! We are so worried about him but he refused to go hospital! 

On my rom that day, he choose to stay outside and not going in to see my registration process.

I’m quite sad but he is suffering 😭

Is it I shouldn’t registered at Singapore, if I am not having rom at there, may be he won’t sick? 

After few days, I changed my plan and have to go back hometown with parents as my dad is very weak and may need someone to follow. 

After home, dad is still weak and couldn’t sleep at night 

We bring him to c doctor foo at first and doctor use ultrasound to c and suspect my dad got cancer, he quickly recommend us to go hospital usm and do ct scan.

For the next two days, we went there, but the ppl ask dad to Puasa and q to c if able to do ct scan. Wait, wait and wait.. how Long u all Wan dad to fasting, after that we bring dad back.

On that night, my aunt come to visit us, she ask us to bring dad to kl immediately on tomorrow morning. Why? Why we never think to go kl immediately, dad had been suffering for few days.

The next day, I went to kl with my parents , and my bro join us later as he want to get the referral letter from the clinic doc. We went Sjmc for the first time. Doctor was diagnose with stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma cancer. All of us cry badly, and doctor say dad may have only 6months life span 😭. At first, they thought it is liver cancer as his liver there have the big tumour, but after they do biopsy, and pet ct scan, they found out dad having cholangiocarcinoma cancer, actually this cancer is quite advance and which is not common in Asia, the possibility of staying alive is quite Low. 

After that, the doctor say the only way dad can do is only going through chemotherapy which may help to minimise the tumour size, and dad may not feeling so suffer. And this kind of cancer can’t do any operation, only chemotherapy may help, but the chances is only 30%.

Afterwards, we trying very hard to persuade dad to do the chemotherapy, and finally he agreed to do. 

We knew that chemotherapy got many side effects, but this is the only way for him to stay even longer, or else dad may leave us after one month or lesser, as his cancer is so advance, the tumour size is about 10cm and above. Well, dad did his first chemotherapy at Sjmc. 

After one cycle of chemotherapy, he feel suffer, got constipation, vomit and others. He told us he want to quit already, and the doctor also follow dad decision. 

After back to hometown, we trying hard to persuade dad to continue the chemotherapy. While my brother went to another hospital, beacon hospital to seek for second opinion. Based on the current situation, the doctor also mention dad shouldn’t give up and should continue go for chemotherapy which is the only chances for him to live longer. Well, this round we went down to kl, we told dad that we go for another hospital to ask, see if he want to continue, the doctor keep explaining to dad and encourage him to do chemotherapy. Finally dad agree to do it. 

But I doubt the doctor expertise, as whenever my dad say any parts of his body is uncomfortable, he will ask us to do scanning all those. At first, my dad mention his stomach not feeling well, he suggest to do ultrasound, mention may have water in the stomach, but my dad’s leg and hand is not bloated, how can it be got water inside, which we have also just did the draining one month before.

However, good things is that he can encourage my dad to continue chemotherapy, that’s why we proceed to do there.

We had been travelled to kl quite frequent as my dad undergo chemotherapy there. One cycle of chemo is splitted into two times of injections. He need go for second injection after one week. And he may rest for third week. So usually we went back to hometown after two days of second injection. 

During that period, dad always having fever after his chemotherapy, we are so worry all the while. Sometime we are not sure if it’s infection or is it normal (the side effect of the chemo). 

The fever also result in delay of the chemotherapy. So dad delay his treatment after second and third injection. 

It is not ease to go kl also as we don’t have accommodation and transport there. We need to book Airbnb, flight ticket whenever travel to there. And every time experience different Airbnb. Well, it is not ease for my parents as they are quite old dy, hardly accommodate them easily 😭 quite pity them sometime. I still remember we did book a Airbnb which is quite small, it’s a one bedroom type which the owner changed the living room become bedroom as well, so angry of him.

Dad can’t really sleep during that period, keep switch bed with me, this screen is still appearing on my mind as at now. Within one week, we decide to change another bigger Airbnb, we can’t forgt the small house which 400 square feet which need fit 4 of us. How can it be? Somemore there is cancer patient and Everyday we saw ant crawling on our food..yucks! 

I’m lucky that my dad can still attend my wedding on 8th and 30th November 2019. 

Its great that dad can attend both day wedding. After my wedding on 30th nov, dad having fever again, and been hospitalised at beacon. After few days, he is discharged and back hometown together with me and my mum. But unluckily, he can’t fall aslp again when back to home, my sister quickly bring him back to beacon again. This round he had been hospitalised for around one week plus. Doctor recheck everything, do pet ct scan, ultrasound, X-ray, ecg, mri scan. Everything looks no big issue, but dad still can’t fall asleep well 😫 the pet ct scan result turn out good, dad tumour size is getting smaller, which means the chemotherapy is effective! We are so happy with the results and ask dad not to worry. For the first few days after the hospitalisation, he can sleep a little bit well dy. But it happen again after that, he can’t slp and keep ask us for sleeping pill, after that we bring him to go seek for 神经科医生. Doctor also mention it may b relate to mental problem if dad still can’t sleep. So I bring dad to go visit the mental doctor and he keep mention 人很烦，很多东西烦 and advise dad must fight the virus. Afterwards, dad eat his pill and back to normal.

Afterwards January and February, my dad started can sleep already at night. Won’t wake up at the midnight so frequent as usual. We also happy as he is recovering. But unfortunately, he leave us so soon. However, he left us with no pain. Just that two days. Before this, he is healthy as he dy stop chemotherapy since mid nov 2019. We did persuade him to continue to do chemotherapy, however he always refuse to do. And the corono virus in 2019 also result us not dare to bring him travel to kl and continue the treatment. 人算不如天算，dad is not passed away because of the virus, but because of the sudden internal bleeding esophageal varices which also relate to his cancer. 

This internal bleeding had been suspected since he enter Sjmc, luckily it is not happened that time, we have another 6 months to accompany him.